Changing my future, hoping for success, one week before departure to LA
I’m in such a mess, and it is all psychological. Counting the minutes before my departure for L.A., thinking I won’t have the time to do anything. I am now thinking I will just wake up that morning, throw a few things in a suitcase and go. Instead of this impossible task I have set myself, to go through all my stuff, page by page, until I can find and bring with me all my single last remaining important papers, the ones which have followed me in all the five countries I have lived in my life.
Perhaps it is time that I truly break with my past, and leave everything behind but the essential. I have lost so many things in my life, because of these airplane regulations which oblige you to have only two suitcases every time you move country. I know people who will ship dozens of crates, even their cars, must cost a fortune, I can’t afford it.
Every time I need to move out of a country, everyone and everything turn into a nightmare, a place which in the end, I am happy to leave behind. It happened in Ottawa, in Paris, in Brussels and now London. Is it that I have changed my perspective about these cities and I now see everything that annoys me terribly and I feel I won’t have to put with that any longer in a week? Or is it destiny which makes it easier for me to want to leave?
At work we enter agreements nightmare which could lead to court. Two more agreements need to be negotiated, another thing which could take a few months of torment. I could not even do anything about my last conference which was supposed to be finished by the time I leave. As it stands, I have not even started. The new cat we bought shits and pees everywhere every day, it seems the five other cats decided that it was now permissible to do the same, so we live in a shit hole. I can’t wait to get out.
I have no more time to think about philosophy of life, and anyway, I was going to try to avoid talking about this here. Why? Well, people think I am already crazy, no need to confirm it so they can act upon it and put me into a mental institution.
I was recently contacted by someone who said he could change the future just by concentrating a lot and convincing himself that what he wished for would definitely happen. I came to the realization five years ago that I could do the same, and out of it I got contracts to work in cinema and television when there was nothing really to suggest I was ever going to end up working for that medium.
At the time I had written only one film script, it was 10 years ago and it was an adaptation from a book. I had forgotten about trying to change my future for the better, but I tried again two months ago and my life went wild. My conferences which were flops suddenly became successful overnight. My partner who was in deep trouble and was going to lose his driving license and his job won in court. And I am now leaving for Los Angeles to pursue my dreams. That is what I call results.
However I am not certain if I was ready for such a roller coaster, like, on the very next day that I would try to change my destiny. I had more in mind something simple, just to make me happy, and now it is happening on a massive scale. I am only talking about this now because I don’t want to forget that once in L.A., I will need to continue to try changing my future. Because moving there is only the first step, it could easily be all there is to it, waking up in L.A., but working in conferences instead of films.
I’m not afraid of hard work, even though I feel like a zombie right now, but hard work is not enough in Hollywood. Talent is also required, and luck is essential. At least I know the three main ingredients, hard work, talent and luck. Well, luck I can take care of it, I will wish myself a great destiny once I’m there. Hard work, I have a great capacity to write 50 pages in virtually one night. Only talent is still puzzling. I feel I am good, however it is a question of taste and opinion. In the final analysis, however, it does appear that with great luck, you don’t necessarily need talent in L.A.. So one way or another, I might still make it big.
I know success is not an ingredient for happiness. In fact, people who are driven as much as me, who dedicate their life to succeeding, and spend all their energy, sacrificing everything and everyone along the way to become famous, are the world’s worst sufferers. Because these things take time, it is heartless, and you are left with a feeling of having missed something quite huge once you succeed, or even worse, once you accept that you will never succeed.
As a consequence, most people who succeed on a massive scale are not happy and are unable to enjoy their success. So they either need to succeed again and again, or somehow they realize that and work now at becoming happier people, even if sometimes it means getting away from it all.
This is not exactly encouraging to be thinking about this stuff right now, I should get back to my big idea that I will rock the boat in a spectacular way once I land in California. Talent is not required, and with a bit of luck, hard work might also not be necessary. It might just fall from the sky, like this moving to L.A. appears to be, effortless. I did not even have to try, it happened. So, what if I don’t even need luck? I will then definitely succeed.
Perhaps it is time that I truly break with my past, and leave everything behind but the essential. I have lost so many things in my life, because of these airplane regulations which oblige you to have only two suitcases every time you move country. I know people who will ship dozens of crates, even their cars, must cost a fortune, I can’t afford it.
Every time I need to move out of a country, everyone and everything turn into a nightmare, a place which in the end, I am happy to leave behind. It happened in Ottawa, in Paris, in Brussels and now London. Is it that I have changed my perspective about these cities and I now see everything that annoys me terribly and I feel I won’t have to put with that any longer in a week? Or is it destiny which makes it easier for me to want to leave?
At work we enter agreements nightmare which could lead to court. Two more agreements need to be negotiated, another thing which could take a few months of torment. I could not even do anything about my last conference which was supposed to be finished by the time I leave. As it stands, I have not even started. The new cat we bought shits and pees everywhere every day, it seems the five other cats decided that it was now permissible to do the same, so we live in a shit hole. I can’t wait to get out.
I have no more time to think about philosophy of life, and anyway, I was going to try to avoid talking about this here. Why? Well, people think I am already crazy, no need to confirm it so they can act upon it and put me into a mental institution.
I was recently contacted by someone who said he could change the future just by concentrating a lot and convincing himself that what he wished for would definitely happen. I came to the realization five years ago that I could do the same, and out of it I got contracts to work in cinema and television when there was nothing really to suggest I was ever going to end up working for that medium.
At the time I had written only one film script, it was 10 years ago and it was an adaptation from a book. I had forgotten about trying to change my future for the better, but I tried again two months ago and my life went wild. My conferences which were flops suddenly became successful overnight. My partner who was in deep trouble and was going to lose his driving license and his job won in court. And I am now leaving for Los Angeles to pursue my dreams. That is what I call results.
However I am not certain if I was ready for such a roller coaster, like, on the very next day that I would try to change my destiny. I had more in mind something simple, just to make me happy, and now it is happening on a massive scale. I am only talking about this now because I don’t want to forget that once in L.A., I will need to continue to try changing my future. Because moving there is only the first step, it could easily be all there is to it, waking up in L.A., but working in conferences instead of films.
I’m not afraid of hard work, even though I feel like a zombie right now, but hard work is not enough in Hollywood. Talent is also required, and luck is essential. At least I know the three main ingredients, hard work, talent and luck. Well, luck I can take care of it, I will wish myself a great destiny once I’m there. Hard work, I have a great capacity to write 50 pages in virtually one night. Only talent is still puzzling. I feel I am good, however it is a question of taste and opinion. In the final analysis, however, it does appear that with great luck, you don’t necessarily need talent in L.A.. So one way or another, I might still make it big.
I know success is not an ingredient for happiness. In fact, people who are driven as much as me, who dedicate their life to succeeding, and spend all their energy, sacrificing everything and everyone along the way to become famous, are the world’s worst sufferers. Because these things take time, it is heartless, and you are left with a feeling of having missed something quite huge once you succeed, or even worse, once you accept that you will never succeed.
As a consequence, most people who succeed on a massive scale are not happy and are unable to enjoy their success. So they either need to succeed again and again, or somehow they realize that and work now at becoming happier people, even if sometimes it means getting away from it all.
This is not exactly encouraging to be thinking about this stuff right now, I should get back to my big idea that I will rock the boat in a spectacular way once I land in California. Talent is not required, and with a bit of luck, hard work might also not be necessary. It might just fall from the sky, like this moving to L.A. appears to be, effortless. I did not even have to try, it happened. So, what if I don’t even need luck? I will then definitely succeed.
That’s what logic does to you, it makes you say stupid things that one day will prove without a doubt that you’re worth nothing, that you were just crazy to begin with.
posted by Mycroft Holmes @ 7:00 PM
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