Backstabbing and mind games at work
I came in the office this morning and it was the hardest thing I had done in quite a while, harder than passing through customs. I was so afraid and worried, I felt I really did not belong there. Or that no one really wanted me there. I have tried hard to succeed, to impress them in my first two weeks, and perhaps I have just failed somehow (isn't that amazing after all that I have written?).
I worked on my director's stuff last weekend, I will also work on it this weekend. It might not be enough. This time I will not escape my fate, something will happen. My boss just asked me to come into his office, however I have to wait until another guy leaves it. What is it that he wants to talk about? Is it related to the director's impatience with me? Can I be blamed for all this somehow?
What's the worse that he could tell me? That I am quite insubordinate, unresponsive, working on other things that I should not be working on? I think it will also be about my general attitude, being incapable of being a Yes Sir type of guy, when someone accuses me of incompetence.
It is going to require all my restraints not to tell him that I quit, in a minute, if he goes into attack mode. Because then, I would have nothing to lose, it would be clear that I would have alienated both the director and the boss. What chance do I stand to survive in such a company?
It was already so difficult to survive the first two weeks, I did not even dare go to the toilet or go get a coffee unless I was desperate. Today I can't even talk anymore, I want to disappear at my desk. What will it be today and next week after my conversation with the boss?
I really need my weekend now, three days off would be even better. Stephen did it today, but I can't do that after only two weeks. I have so many things to sort out, it was a crazy idea to start working almost the very next day I arrived in a new country. I never had the time to breathe, I have barely took my stuff out of my suitcases.
Just had my meeting. The director told my boss that I said that I was only here to be a consultant, and not do anything else. I told my boss that I made it clear to the director that I was quite happy to work on anything that I was asked to do (and in fact, I certainly don't mind even if they ask me to clean the toilets). So that was his angle. My boss told me that I was also hired to do menial things way below my skills, and I should accept it. So I reassured him, that I did not mind about that at all and the director misunderstood me (yeah, what a backstabber!).
And now I will have something else to do. The director will contact me from his home (he works from home on Friday) so I can contact a few companies for another event, which will prevent me from doing the other stuff I need to do, so I will have to work on this over the weekend.
I seem to have survived the second round, though this time I was called into the office. I am pretty certain that I won't survive a third round, so I really have to disappear and work hard like crazy. And I think it is clear now that my reports had no impact on them, they are not pleased I worked on this for two days this week. So it is important I prove to them that I can be the best conference assistant there is.
I went to the toilet, and then I went to buy some chips, but then I bought my first egg sandwich downstairs. The girl was very nice, however I went through such a panic state because I was away from my desk for over 12 minutes, I bitterly regretted having decided to go to the toilet. And now I am in desperate need to go again, but I can't, I am under observation.
I think I have been identified already as a bad employee since my director has been working very hard, as I thought he would, at reporting back as much negative stuff about me as he could to my boss. I'm pretty sure by now they regret having hired me, and I feel bad about all this.
You should only allow a company to import you if you are completely convinced that you can truly help that company and that you are the best. Well, I may have thought that, and at the time I feel it was all justified to come, but I also have to realize now that finally the company might not require my skills.
If I could go back in time, I would have decided to stay in London instead. Then, I would not have learned these new experiences, which basically are that this world is still filled with a bunch of bastards who are ready to spend all their energy to destroy you for no apparent good reason. Great, this is just perfect.
These people have no credibility whatsoever, and probably no social life either outside of work. Or else, why would they spend their days trying to prove that a total stranger and new employee, who has done nothing so far, is just not right for this company or capable to do anything worthwhile? As it stands, I never had the chance yet to prove anything about my capacities and my potential. I was judged the very first minute I arrived.
I just received a call from the director, about what I need to do next for him. And I have been told that it needs to be done in five minutes, when in fact, again, it should take hours if not days. He spent more time telling me what to do than it would have taken him to do it himself. I think it is a game, to see how low I am willing to sink before exploding. What he does not know is that I don't mind doing it and I will work hard to do it as fast as I can.
I worked on my director's stuff last weekend, I will also work on it this weekend. It might not be enough. This time I will not escape my fate, something will happen. My boss just asked me to come into his office, however I have to wait until another guy leaves it. What is it that he wants to talk about? Is it related to the director's impatience with me? Can I be blamed for all this somehow?
What's the worse that he could tell me? That I am quite insubordinate, unresponsive, working on other things that I should not be working on? I think it will also be about my general attitude, being incapable of being a Yes Sir type of guy, when someone accuses me of incompetence.
It is going to require all my restraints not to tell him that I quit, in a minute, if he goes into attack mode. Because then, I would have nothing to lose, it would be clear that I would have alienated both the director and the boss. What chance do I stand to survive in such a company?
It was already so difficult to survive the first two weeks, I did not even dare go to the toilet or go get a coffee unless I was desperate. Today I can't even talk anymore, I want to disappear at my desk. What will it be today and next week after my conversation with the boss?
I really need my weekend now, three days off would be even better. Stephen did it today, but I can't do that after only two weeks. I have so many things to sort out, it was a crazy idea to start working almost the very next day I arrived in a new country. I never had the time to breathe, I have barely took my stuff out of my suitcases.
Just had my meeting. The director told my boss that I said that I was only here to be a consultant, and not do anything else. I told my boss that I made it clear to the director that I was quite happy to work on anything that I was asked to do (and in fact, I certainly don't mind even if they ask me to clean the toilets). So that was his angle. My boss told me that I was also hired to do menial things way below my skills, and I should accept it. So I reassured him, that I did not mind about that at all and the director misunderstood me (yeah, what a backstabber!).
And now I will have something else to do. The director will contact me from his home (he works from home on Friday) so I can contact a few companies for another event, which will prevent me from doing the other stuff I need to do, so I will have to work on this over the weekend.
I seem to have survived the second round, though this time I was called into the office. I am pretty certain that I won't survive a third round, so I really have to disappear and work hard like crazy. And I think it is clear now that my reports had no impact on them, they are not pleased I worked on this for two days this week. So it is important I prove to them that I can be the best conference assistant there is.
I went to the toilet, and then I went to buy some chips, but then I bought my first egg sandwich downstairs. The girl was very nice, however I went through such a panic state because I was away from my desk for over 12 minutes, I bitterly regretted having decided to go to the toilet. And now I am in desperate need to go again, but I can't, I am under observation.
I think I have been identified already as a bad employee since my director has been working very hard, as I thought he would, at reporting back as much negative stuff about me as he could to my boss. I'm pretty sure by now they regret having hired me, and I feel bad about all this.
You should only allow a company to import you if you are completely convinced that you can truly help that company and that you are the best. Well, I may have thought that, and at the time I feel it was all justified to come, but I also have to realize now that finally the company might not require my skills.
If I could go back in time, I would have decided to stay in London instead. Then, I would not have learned these new experiences, which basically are that this world is still filled with a bunch of bastards who are ready to spend all their energy to destroy you for no apparent good reason. Great, this is just perfect.
These people have no credibility whatsoever, and probably no social life either outside of work. Or else, why would they spend their days trying to prove that a total stranger and new employee, who has done nothing so far, is just not right for this company or capable to do anything worthwhile? As it stands, I never had the chance yet to prove anything about my capacities and my potential. I was judged the very first minute I arrived.
I just received a call from the director, about what I need to do next for him. And I have been told that it needs to be done in five minutes, when in fact, again, it should take hours if not days. He spent more time telling me what to do than it would have taken him to do it himself. I think it is a game, to see how low I am willing to sink before exploding. What he does not know is that I don't mind doing it and I will work hard to do it as fast as I can.
He acted as if he had not backstabbed me to the boss, as if now I was back in the rank and all ready to listen to him and obey his orders. I am far from that point, and I guess we will just have to wait until the third round, probably next week. I am pretty sure now that it is unavoidable.
posted by Mycroft Holmes @ 9:00 AM
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