Performing miracles at work and succeeding in Hollywood without getting into debts

One more day and it is the weekend. I can hardly wait. Thanks to thanksgiving, next week I only work three days. I will have four days to get out of here and visit L.A. again. Not sure yet what I will do, perhaps nothing. I intend to write, to start writing anything, just to feel that I am still alive and that moving here was not all wasted.

My director is not back at work tomorrow, Friday he works from home. Nothing happened this week, only kind words have been exchanged. My bosses made sure of it, I worked on some other research instead. I think everyone knew that a third time in a third week would have been the end of my employment there.

I still feel quite pressured though, I think my boss is trying to assess how quickly I can come up with a whole competitive research in the markets, and he is awaiting reports within hours instead of days. I’m pretty sure they are wondering if I am slow, and unfortunately I am. I cannot within one day and a half do a whole search of all competitive events, learn everything there is to know about business partnerships between the public and the private sectors in construction and transportation, and come back with the perfect idea for a congress which will not flop, but will make a few thousand dollars instead.

I thought I was quick and clever, I guess they had other expectations. They thought I would be some sort of magician capable of performing miracles. It is clear my knowledge and experience is simply not required, only my abilities to produce an event in two days, when it takes months.

This is a sad story and I am not very proud of myself. I could work at night, but I am so tired and I have so many other things to do, it is just impossible. I don’t like the idea either to be working all Saturday just so they feel I am capable. I would actually prefer to have a life.

Everyone here wish one thing, to make it in the film industry. And many people are working within it, it must be their biggest industry. The girl who welcomed me at LAX, who was a new Director but has reverted back to her title of Manager (and she told me lies about it, as if I would believe that she feels she does not deserve the title so she decided to abandon it), she was in commercials when she was young. She claims she hated it, I believe she tried everything to move into movies or television and it never came true.

Her husband worked in documentaries, and wasted two years of his life trying to succeed, he was never paid. He now has $20,000 in debts. Sounds very familiar, it is perhaps what I have added to my debt in my two years of working full time in television and cinema. He finally decided to move into the music licensing field, where it actually pays. He used to be responsible for the marketing at the Universal Studios. Impressive. I wonder why he is no longer working there.

Another of my colleagues, the one I suspect is gay, lives in Hollywood. He came here hoping to live out of his writing, in 10 years he has gone nowhere. This is not exactly encouraging.

But perhaps no one has any great talent, I just don’t know. My colleague said that it is all about who you know, so I guess I will have to eventually meet the right people. Maybe those untalented colleagues have the contacts, and these contacts have written them off because of a lack of talent. Who knows? They appeared impressed by what I have achieved so far, I don’t really know why, especially that I can’t do it again, well, not yet anyway.