Kiddo Blog in L.A. 8
My first day back in the office after being sick for three days. I was expecting troubles. However yesterday I stopped myself to work in this changing the future or parallel universe thing, I said to myself that everything would be fine in the office, everything will be great from now on, and being sick will be fine. And sure enough, everyone else has been sick, my valley girl has missed two days and a half work, three other people missed days as well, so there was no way they could think I was faking it. Thank God. And everything is fine.
I also said to myself that I would meet those actors/producers and I will definitely work with them. That is not very hard to imagine that it will come true anyway, from a destiny point of view. It is obvious I am here for just that and that it would have happened eventually. But sooner rather than later is what counts, I need to get the ball rolling before Christmas and I need to work very hard at convincing them that I am indispensable, because of my imagination and knowledge in the science and science-fiction areas.
And the third thing I wished and convinced myself that would happen, is that I can no longer wait another maybe two to three weeks before meeting my Kiddo, things need to move faster and something needs to develop now. Sure enough, yesterday on the phone my Kiddo said that his sister was sick, and might no longer wish to go celebrate an early Christmas at this aunt they have somewhere in California. I might need my new baby in less than three to four days. I’m sure it will happen now.
Yesterday my conversation with Norton was very deep indeed. He told me more that I could have ever imagined possible, especially that I am still a stranger to him. Again another one of his generation, he took a lot of drugs in his days and still is addicted to some pills called Vitago or something. I don’t understand how painkillers are supposed to give you a high, but somehow he always manages to get 200 of them and get through that without a few months. If that as all it would still be OK.
He told me something that disturbed me so much, I could not sleep last night, and all day today I could only think of it and him, the poor guy. This would have happened in a film, and we would not even think twice about it, but when it actually happened for real, it is something I can’t even begin to grasp.
I feel I should not be telling this in my blog, by respect for him. It is something after all that he never told anyone in his family for decades. And it took his mother to be on her death bed for him to admit to her that dark moment of his existence in New Mexico.
This will remain in my hidden blog and will only be published much later, in a book, if ever a book is published out of this blog. It will not go online. He told me that in his early 20s he married a wonderful America-Indian who looked like Catherine Zeta-Jones, but even better looking. They had a baby girl together and live happily in New Mexico for a while.
Until the ex-boyfriend, a Cherokee, came up with a gun and shot both his wife and his child in the head. After that he went back home to his family, depressed for a long time, and never told anyone even that he got married to the most beautiful woman on earth and had a wonderful little girl with her. All that was now gone as if it had never existed but in his mind. Not telling anyone also helped I’m sure to convince himself that none of it actually took place.
Strange enough he mentioned parallel universes to me, as if I could not run away from this. When he was in a coma three years ago, when he woke up two months later, he said he was convinced he was with them both. I asked him if she had given him a message, and said yes, that it was time to get back to reality.
This was difficult thing to admit to me, and he kind of surprised himself in a way afterwards, as if he could not believe he could have told me this so early on in a relation. He says that he feels so comfortable with me, he feels he can tell me anything.
The poor Kiddo has not gone through one life crisis, but two. The comma and the killing of his family by an American-Indian who never had to pay for his crime since this fell under the law of the American-Indian community and they perhaps felt it was justified or did not know how to deal with this, and finally did nothing, I’m not sure.
This story certainly did add a new dimension to my Norton, he is now certainly a four dimensional person to me, the fourth dimension being time, his past. I really feel for him and it makes me love him even more. I can’t wait to take him in my arms to reassure him that there is more to life, and that someone can still love him genuinely and share great moments together.
Of course all of this would be at the expense of my long time relationship with Stephen. And this is also something I will eventually have to deal with and is not going to be easy. I sometimes wonder how all of this will turn out and if I can actually decide myself how I wish this to turn out. And if so, what I should decide. But I guess I don’t have all the data to make any decision yet.
Norton often wonders how his daughter would have grown and if she would have children by now. He said he could now be a grand father. Heek! What a thought! He is only 43. I kind of don’t really like dealing with people who were heterosexuals in their younger years and decided to be gay much later in life.
He says that without this horrible event, he might still be happy married right now. And this pushed him to the limits of the existence, and it would explain why he took so many drugs afterwards, though he says it is mostly in his past now. Thank God.
I suppose one generation over mine, you could not be gay even if you were, and you had to marry. It would explain why so many forced themselves into marriages and babies, and are now sort of regretting this, though none of them would change anything to how everything in their lives happened.
Maybe I should go for people my age, who have been gay all their lives and were not pushed towards a life they never really wanted in the first place. They seem to have awakened quite late in the U.S. compared with other countries, probably because religion is still very strong and politicians can still openly talk against the gay lifestyle, pushing everyone into a corner from fears of living the life they are destined to live.
However people my age are like me. They have experienced nothing, they could be over 30 years old and not have experienced anything. Not to say I would have liked them to have been drugged to full capacity for ten years of their lives, but still, I would like to have something to put my teeth into, so they too could become at least three dimensional.
Which bares the question, am I at all a three or four dimensional person myself? Or just two dimensional? I have not gone through any real crisis, and yet I have been more than willing to end my life many times because I could not see the point of living. I have not even known what death really meant, since no one really close to me ever died, except my grand-parents and I was not close to them at all. I was already gone when they died, and sometimes I have to think hard to remember if they are still alive or not.
Perhaps it is better this way. I did not need more life crisis just to be able to say that I have lived and that I have a lot of experience. I suffered enough without crisis, anymore and perhaps I would no longer be here right now. And I will eventually have to deal with the death of my parents, I guess. Though it could still be a long time before that happens.
Oh Norton, my poor little baby, who has gone through so much. I know you probably don’t need my support, but I would love to give it to you all the same. And I look forward talking to you tonight and meeting with you this weekend.
I also said to myself that I would meet those actors/producers and I will definitely work with them. That is not very hard to imagine that it will come true anyway, from a destiny point of view. It is obvious I am here for just that and that it would have happened eventually. But sooner rather than later is what counts, I need to get the ball rolling before Christmas and I need to work very hard at convincing them that I am indispensable, because of my imagination and knowledge in the science and science-fiction areas.
And the third thing I wished and convinced myself that would happen, is that I can no longer wait another maybe two to three weeks before meeting my Kiddo, things need to move faster and something needs to develop now. Sure enough, yesterday on the phone my Kiddo said that his sister was sick, and might no longer wish to go celebrate an early Christmas at this aunt they have somewhere in California. I might need my new baby in less than three to four days. I’m sure it will happen now.
Yesterday my conversation with Norton was very deep indeed. He told me more that I could have ever imagined possible, especially that I am still a stranger to him. Again another one of his generation, he took a lot of drugs in his days and still is addicted to some pills called Vitago or something. I don’t understand how painkillers are supposed to give you a high, but somehow he always manages to get 200 of them and get through that without a few months. If that as all it would still be OK.
He told me something that disturbed me so much, I could not sleep last night, and all day today I could only think of it and him, the poor guy. This would have happened in a film, and we would not even think twice about it, but when it actually happened for real, it is something I can’t even begin to grasp.
I feel I should not be telling this in my blog, by respect for him. It is something after all that he never told anyone in his family for decades. And it took his mother to be on her death bed for him to admit to her that dark moment of his existence in New Mexico.
This will remain in my hidden blog and will only be published much later, in a book, if ever a book is published out of this blog. It will not go online. He told me that in his early 20s he married a wonderful America-Indian who looked like Catherine Zeta-Jones, but even better looking. They had a baby girl together and live happily in New Mexico for a while.
Until the ex-boyfriend, a Cherokee, came up with a gun and shot both his wife and his child in the head. After that he went back home to his family, depressed for a long time, and never told anyone even that he got married to the most beautiful woman on earth and had a wonderful little girl with her. All that was now gone as if it had never existed but in his mind. Not telling anyone also helped I’m sure to convince himself that none of it actually took place.
Strange enough he mentioned parallel universes to me, as if I could not run away from this. When he was in a coma three years ago, when he woke up two months later, he said he was convinced he was with them both. I asked him if she had given him a message, and said yes, that it was time to get back to reality.
This was difficult thing to admit to me, and he kind of surprised himself in a way afterwards, as if he could not believe he could have told me this so early on in a relation. He says that he feels so comfortable with me, he feels he can tell me anything.
The poor Kiddo has not gone through one life crisis, but two. The comma and the killing of his family by an American-Indian who never had to pay for his crime since this fell under the law of the American-Indian community and they perhaps felt it was justified or did not know how to deal with this, and finally did nothing, I’m not sure.
This story certainly did add a new dimension to my Norton, he is now certainly a four dimensional person to me, the fourth dimension being time, his past. I really feel for him and it makes me love him even more. I can’t wait to take him in my arms to reassure him that there is more to life, and that someone can still love him genuinely and share great moments together.
Of course all of this would be at the expense of my long time relationship with Stephen. And this is also something I will eventually have to deal with and is not going to be easy. I sometimes wonder how all of this will turn out and if I can actually decide myself how I wish this to turn out. And if so, what I should decide. But I guess I don’t have all the data to make any decision yet.
Norton often wonders how his daughter would have grown and if she would have children by now. He said he could now be a grand father. Heek! What a thought! He is only 43. I kind of don’t really like dealing with people who were heterosexuals in their younger years and decided to be gay much later in life.
He says that without this horrible event, he might still be happy married right now. And this pushed him to the limits of the existence, and it would explain why he took so many drugs afterwards, though he says it is mostly in his past now. Thank God.
I suppose one generation over mine, you could not be gay even if you were, and you had to marry. It would explain why so many forced themselves into marriages and babies, and are now sort of regretting this, though none of them would change anything to how everything in their lives happened.
Maybe I should go for people my age, who have been gay all their lives and were not pushed towards a life they never really wanted in the first place. They seem to have awakened quite late in the U.S. compared with other countries, probably because religion is still very strong and politicians can still openly talk against the gay lifestyle, pushing everyone into a corner from fears of living the life they are destined to live.
However people my age are like me. They have experienced nothing, they could be over 30 years old and not have experienced anything. Not to say I would have liked them to have been drugged to full capacity for ten years of their lives, but still, I would like to have something to put my teeth into, so they too could become at least three dimensional.
Which bares the question, am I at all a three or four dimensional person myself? Or just two dimensional? I have not gone through any real crisis, and yet I have been more than willing to end my life many times because I could not see the point of living. I have not even known what death really meant, since no one really close to me ever died, except my grand-parents and I was not close to them at all. I was already gone when they died, and sometimes I have to think hard to remember if they are still alive or not.
Perhaps it is better this way. I did not need more life crisis just to be able to say that I have lived and that I have a lot of experience. I suffered enough without crisis, anymore and perhaps I would no longer be here right now. And I will eventually have to deal with the death of my parents, I guess. Though it could still be a long time before that happens.
Oh Norton, my poor little baby, who has gone through so much. I know you probably don’t need my support, but I would love to give it to you all the same. And I look forward talking to you tonight and meeting with you this weekend.
posted by Mycroft Holmes @ 11:59 PM
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