Kiddo Blog in L.A. 17
Leonardo takes so much of my time, that I can’t even finish my sentences in my own blog. As I was trying to say, he sees our relationship so consummated already that he talks of moving together, when the guy has never yet touched my dick or laid a hand on my body.
At the same time, the guy is a psychic medium which manifests itself in his dreams. He sometimes has vivid dreams and so far he said that they all came true to the detail. So not only he can see the future, but on top of it, he cannot change it. He said that he never tried to change it, so perhaps he could.
Since his father’s death, he never had any more vivid dreams. And before his father’s death he had a whole string of dreams about it, he even blacked out at his father’s funeral and could not remember anything of what happened.
Since I came into his life, he started having these dreams again, and they are now about me. Not my death, and if it was he might not tell me, he said, but about our future together.
He saw me living in a huge house in the hills somewhere around here in California, I was rich and my mother was helping me dress for a special happy occasion. Leonardo was there, planting trees, and in the bedroom where I was looking at the ceiling, feeling guilty about something I had done. Another girl there was saying that I was not being very fair to him. That “him” was the problem.
To whom was I being unfair to? About what? This dream is a vision of the near future, three to five years at most. And Leonardo immediately assumed that the person I was not being fair to was him, when in retrospect it could have been anyone else, including Stephen in London (most likely).
So Leonardo called me this morning, almost in a panic state, asking me what it was that I was not telling him. How was I being unfair to him. Can you believe? He accused me of not really signing the contract agreement between us, that I signed with my three initials only instead of my full name, and therefore voiding the contract. He thought my name was not my real name in the first place.
Is this paranoia that will develop into something that will quickly get out of control? Is it just that he has been so played around in the past by virtually all the people he thought were his friends, that now trust is the most difficult thing for him to give?
My signature is my signature, whether it is my full name or my three first initials. The contract is fine, so it is certainly not what he was seeing in his dream. What could it be then? What is it about? God only knows, until at least he has another dream which will give us more data. And I certainly want to hear about it, because if I will be unfair to anyone in the future, I better be aware of it and make sure it does not happen. My conscience would not allow it, as his dream appears to be indicating.
Will I be forced to be unfair then? Will I have the choice? When dealing with third parties, I might not ultimately be responsible. And yet, feel responsible in some way. At this time we simply have not enough data. However if he has these dreams now, maybe it is more connected to the present than we think. And maybe we have all the data we need. Something needs to be resolved, but what?
The only thing I can think of, is that at the moment I am very much in two minds about him and our future relationship together. Yes, he can be my best friend, he can remain so forever. But can I fall in love with him? Can I enjoy sex with him? I am not so sure. I still love my Stephen in London, I want to finish my days with him no matter what happens here in Los Angeles.
At some point I am afraid to say, I will have to tell Leonardo that I am sorry, but this will remain a friendship. Now, this cannot be said at this time, since I am between two minds and I am no psychic. I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow, in a few weeks time, or even months. Something might grow between us, I just don’t know. But if yesterday was any indication of the future, and perhaps this is what prompted his vivid dream, then we have a good idea that it just won’t work between us intimately.
It did not help that he arrived here Friday night at the exact time that I came back from work. So I did not have the time to even clean the apartment. He also had to go to the doctor to get his cancer spots burned with frozen hydrogen. So he had all these bubbles over his face and body, and the word cancer spot, even if there is no cancer in this, but could develop in time, is not really appealing.
I was already wondering how I would actually want to be close to him after all that happened the first two times. I am starting to get a blockage as well, from fears that we might do things he might not enjoy.
So when we went to bed, at five in the morning, completely dead I might add, I was not in the mood and he felt bad. He sort of winged that he even used his coconut shampoo to be more attractive to me. It was the whining of a child. I did not know what to make of that.
But I told him he could take me in his arms if he wanted to, and he debated the idea in his mind for quite a while, and decided finally that he would need to have smoke much more grass to do that. He did ask me if I would stop him or reject him if he were to scratch my tummy and grab my dick. I said no, that he was very much welcome to do it.
I was however not in the mood, even if I did not say so exactly. I said I was tired and that we would do more the next morning. And then we did not do anything the next day. It must have left him inadequate, or filled with regrets. I don’t know.
I spent more than 200 dollars in our two days together. I am not usually counting my money, but every time I do at the moment, I know I am one step closer to never buy my used car. It does not matter anymore since my phone bill came in yesterday, and it is $330. So I can no longer buy a car.
We went to eat at Maggiano’s, cost me $70. We went to eat at Bob’s Big Boy on Riverside, another $25. Gas for his car, $20. Cigarettes and alcohol at my place, $30. Gay bar in Studio City, $31. Conversion of a DVD from PAL to NTSC for his actor friend, $65. And every time, I saw my car getting away from me, and I let it all happen willingly.
I don’t blame him, he has no money whatsoever and needs to borrow at high interest rates of 40% just to survive. So I don’t think that he is a leech at all, so that is not exactly a problem. However I will not be able to sustain such expenses in the future, that is certain. And I feel he knows anyway.
Well, at least we had an excellent weekend together, of which I will certainly remember for the rest of my life. We had great discussions about our film script and other ideas. We also went for a whole tour of the studios in Burbank. The Moon in the sky and the black clouds at night (unusual for L.A.) were just so unreal, it could have come out of a vampire Hollywood film.
And he looks just like Ron Howard, and I think people believe he is him. When we were at the Bob’s Big Boy restaurant in Burbank, it was weird to see people looking at us. It gives me some idea of what my life could be in the future if I get to be with known people, though I am not particularly looking forward to it. I hate all that crap of knowing the right people and trying to get into their lives.
Leonardo showed me the apartment of his actor friend, and at first he could not find the place, and pointed out to me the wrong building on the wrong street. My God, when was it last that he met with him? And then the right apartment was showed to me, and it was actually almost identical to the first one, so I believe the mistake was genuine.
In the gay bar in Studio City he was especially interested in “if other people would look at him”. And many did, as he looks like a truck driver, and therefore was the most masculine guy in there. Also that we were in Studio City next to Universal Studios. The place was filled with wannabe actors and one talked to us. Probably thinking that being older than the rest of the crowd, we were some big wig of the industry. When he realized that we were not, he disappeared quickly. I’m telling you, if I ever meet another one of those wannabe actor in my life, I’m gonna start shooting them.
At the same time, the guy is a psychic medium which manifests itself in his dreams. He sometimes has vivid dreams and so far he said that they all came true to the detail. So not only he can see the future, but on top of it, he cannot change it. He said that he never tried to change it, so perhaps he could.
Since his father’s death, he never had any more vivid dreams. And before his father’s death he had a whole string of dreams about it, he even blacked out at his father’s funeral and could not remember anything of what happened.
Since I came into his life, he started having these dreams again, and they are now about me. Not my death, and if it was he might not tell me, he said, but about our future together.
He saw me living in a huge house in the hills somewhere around here in California, I was rich and my mother was helping me dress for a special happy occasion. Leonardo was there, planting trees, and in the bedroom where I was looking at the ceiling, feeling guilty about something I had done. Another girl there was saying that I was not being very fair to him. That “him” was the problem.
To whom was I being unfair to? About what? This dream is a vision of the near future, three to five years at most. And Leonardo immediately assumed that the person I was not being fair to was him, when in retrospect it could have been anyone else, including Stephen in London (most likely).
So Leonardo called me this morning, almost in a panic state, asking me what it was that I was not telling him. How was I being unfair to him. Can you believe? He accused me of not really signing the contract agreement between us, that I signed with my three initials only instead of my full name, and therefore voiding the contract. He thought my name was not my real name in the first place.
Is this paranoia that will develop into something that will quickly get out of control? Is it just that he has been so played around in the past by virtually all the people he thought were his friends, that now trust is the most difficult thing for him to give?
My signature is my signature, whether it is my full name or my three first initials. The contract is fine, so it is certainly not what he was seeing in his dream. What could it be then? What is it about? God only knows, until at least he has another dream which will give us more data. And I certainly want to hear about it, because if I will be unfair to anyone in the future, I better be aware of it and make sure it does not happen. My conscience would not allow it, as his dream appears to be indicating.
Will I be forced to be unfair then? Will I have the choice? When dealing with third parties, I might not ultimately be responsible. And yet, feel responsible in some way. At this time we simply have not enough data. However if he has these dreams now, maybe it is more connected to the present than we think. And maybe we have all the data we need. Something needs to be resolved, but what?
The only thing I can think of, is that at the moment I am very much in two minds about him and our future relationship together. Yes, he can be my best friend, he can remain so forever. But can I fall in love with him? Can I enjoy sex with him? I am not so sure. I still love my Stephen in London, I want to finish my days with him no matter what happens here in Los Angeles.
At some point I am afraid to say, I will have to tell Leonardo that I am sorry, but this will remain a friendship. Now, this cannot be said at this time, since I am between two minds and I am no psychic. I don’t know how I will feel tomorrow, in a few weeks time, or even months. Something might grow between us, I just don’t know. But if yesterday was any indication of the future, and perhaps this is what prompted his vivid dream, then we have a good idea that it just won’t work between us intimately.
It did not help that he arrived here Friday night at the exact time that I came back from work. So I did not have the time to even clean the apartment. He also had to go to the doctor to get his cancer spots burned with frozen hydrogen. So he had all these bubbles over his face and body, and the word cancer spot, even if there is no cancer in this, but could develop in time, is not really appealing.
I was already wondering how I would actually want to be close to him after all that happened the first two times. I am starting to get a blockage as well, from fears that we might do things he might not enjoy.
So when we went to bed, at five in the morning, completely dead I might add, I was not in the mood and he felt bad. He sort of winged that he even used his coconut shampoo to be more attractive to me. It was the whining of a child. I did not know what to make of that.
But I told him he could take me in his arms if he wanted to, and he debated the idea in his mind for quite a while, and decided finally that he would need to have smoke much more grass to do that. He did ask me if I would stop him or reject him if he were to scratch my tummy and grab my dick. I said no, that he was very much welcome to do it.
I was however not in the mood, even if I did not say so exactly. I said I was tired and that we would do more the next morning. And then we did not do anything the next day. It must have left him inadequate, or filled with regrets. I don’t know.
I spent more than 200 dollars in our two days together. I am not usually counting my money, but every time I do at the moment, I know I am one step closer to never buy my used car. It does not matter anymore since my phone bill came in yesterday, and it is $330. So I can no longer buy a car.
We went to eat at Maggiano’s, cost me $70. We went to eat at Bob’s Big Boy on Riverside, another $25. Gas for his car, $20. Cigarettes and alcohol at my place, $30. Gay bar in Studio City, $31. Conversion of a DVD from PAL to NTSC for his actor friend, $65. And every time, I saw my car getting away from me, and I let it all happen willingly.
I don’t blame him, he has no money whatsoever and needs to borrow at high interest rates of 40% just to survive. So I don’t think that he is a leech at all, so that is not exactly a problem. However I will not be able to sustain such expenses in the future, that is certain. And I feel he knows anyway.
Well, at least we had an excellent weekend together, of which I will certainly remember for the rest of my life. We had great discussions about our film script and other ideas. We also went for a whole tour of the studios in Burbank. The Moon in the sky and the black clouds at night (unusual for L.A.) were just so unreal, it could have come out of a vampire Hollywood film.
And he looks just like Ron Howard, and I think people believe he is him. When we were at the Bob’s Big Boy restaurant in Burbank, it was weird to see people looking at us. It gives me some idea of what my life could be in the future if I get to be with known people, though I am not particularly looking forward to it. I hate all that crap of knowing the right people and trying to get into their lives.
Leonardo showed me the apartment of his actor friend, and at first he could not find the place, and pointed out to me the wrong building on the wrong street. My God, when was it last that he met with him? And then the right apartment was showed to me, and it was actually almost identical to the first one, so I believe the mistake was genuine.
In the gay bar in Studio City he was especially interested in “if other people would look at him”. And many did, as he looks like a truck driver, and therefore was the most masculine guy in there. Also that we were in Studio City next to Universal Studios. The place was filled with wannabe actors and one talked to us. Probably thinking that being older than the rest of the crowd, we were some big wig of the industry. When he realized that we were not, he disappeared quickly. I’m telling you, if I ever meet another one of those wannabe actor in my life, I’m gonna start shooting them.
posted by Mycroft Holmes @ 6:55 PM
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