Kiddo Blog in L.A. 22
Leonardo just left, again I thought he would never leave. We went to see Brokeback Mountain tonight, and funny enough, though I could not draw any parallel between our lives and the guys in that movie, he saw just about every parallel there is.
Once again he spent many hours talking about his childhood, and how screwed up he is. And I told him that he needed a good slap in the face to get back to reality, and forget about second grade psychology, and start looking at the present and the future.
He seems very much in love with me now, I could see he wanted to kiss me many times, and he did, and I blamed any reason I could find to explain the fact that I tried to avoid him sleeping here for many weeks now. When really it was more about how traumatic it had been the first two times.
He still sees us as a couple destined to something great, he also acknowledged that it was not his place at the moment to try to get more involved, while I had all these decisions to make, like remaining here or going back to London with my boyfriend. That I still very much love and would like to remain faithful to.
Our little trip to Santa Barbara, where he spent many years of his life, seemed to have had a big impact on him. Even though he said tonight that it is because he does not have money to splash on me that he is trying to make me discover the place, to show me that he has something to offer.
I don’t know in which century he is living in. I don’t understand why he repeats to me that he is genuine, that I can believe him, and all that stuff. He has obviously been hurt by many dishonest people in his life, and he is afraid I might think that he has some ulterior motives, when in fact, there is only genuine love. Well, I have not met that many dishonest people in my life, so for me everyone is fine until they give me a reason to believe otherwise, and that never really happened with any of my friends. So he is kind of wasting his time here.
In Santa Barbara, when I was looking at him that whole day, I did not think that I fancied him and would like to sleep with him again. Tonight I thought I would have liked to be in his arms. So I don’t know what is going to happen between us.
Tomorrow I will be a zombie at work again. I won’t be able to do anything. He is again responsible for this. Weeks are passing very fast, they turn into months, and yet we are not going anywhere, it takes forever. That film script will never be finished or be sold this year. That is why my second big idea for our next project, I have decided that I will be doing most of the writing. I cannot wait for him to finish the first one, I will be dead by the time he finishes it.
Anyway, the second script is very much about great dialogues, they are all in my head, and I need to write them. So I will even skip the long synopsis, I will jump right into the script. One thing I have learned through this, don’t waste time writing what the story will be about, just write it now. And that is what I will do this weekend.
And now I am going to bed, I’m dead. I might go to work an hour late, otherwise I will be so unproductive, I will be useless. Again I am risking my job, I could be sacked on a whim, but what can I do?
Once again he spent many hours talking about his childhood, and how screwed up he is. And I told him that he needed a good slap in the face to get back to reality, and forget about second grade psychology, and start looking at the present and the future.
He seems very much in love with me now, I could see he wanted to kiss me many times, and he did, and I blamed any reason I could find to explain the fact that I tried to avoid him sleeping here for many weeks now. When really it was more about how traumatic it had been the first two times.
He still sees us as a couple destined to something great, he also acknowledged that it was not his place at the moment to try to get more involved, while I had all these decisions to make, like remaining here or going back to London with my boyfriend. That I still very much love and would like to remain faithful to.
Our little trip to Santa Barbara, where he spent many years of his life, seemed to have had a big impact on him. Even though he said tonight that it is because he does not have money to splash on me that he is trying to make me discover the place, to show me that he has something to offer.
I don’t know in which century he is living in. I don’t understand why he repeats to me that he is genuine, that I can believe him, and all that stuff. He has obviously been hurt by many dishonest people in his life, and he is afraid I might think that he has some ulterior motives, when in fact, there is only genuine love. Well, I have not met that many dishonest people in my life, so for me everyone is fine until they give me a reason to believe otherwise, and that never really happened with any of my friends. So he is kind of wasting his time here.
In Santa Barbara, when I was looking at him that whole day, I did not think that I fancied him and would like to sleep with him again. Tonight I thought I would have liked to be in his arms. So I don’t know what is going to happen between us.
Tomorrow I will be a zombie at work again. I won’t be able to do anything. He is again responsible for this. Weeks are passing very fast, they turn into months, and yet we are not going anywhere, it takes forever. That film script will never be finished or be sold this year. That is why my second big idea for our next project, I have decided that I will be doing most of the writing. I cannot wait for him to finish the first one, I will be dead by the time he finishes it.
Anyway, the second script is very much about great dialogues, they are all in my head, and I need to write them. So I will even skip the long synopsis, I will jump right into the script. One thing I have learned through this, don’t waste time writing what the story will be about, just write it now. And that is what I will do this weekend.
And now I am going to bed, I’m dead. I might go to work an hour late, otherwise I will be so unproductive, I will be useless. Again I am risking my job, I could be sacked on a whim, but what can I do?
posted by Mycroft Holmes @ 2:00 AM
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